Initially, babies only accept the nipple into their mouths. Whether it is a breast or a bottle, does not make a whole lot of difference to them; they are being fed and their basest need is being met. As they get older and see the world differently through rolling and sitting, the mouth becomes an integral part of their laboratory. Experiments of all kinds can be conducted by your mouth. Of course, when you are nine months old, logic defies your choices and that is where mom and dad enter.

Early on, you may be able to tell whether your babe is particularly “oral” or not. Though all babies love to suck, not all are desperate too in order to solve all their problems. Some are content with sucking to eat and perhaps to fall asleep. Others verbalize quite clearly in the form of ear-splitting shrieks that they will have something to suck on at all times or you will hear about it. As your munchkin starts to become mobile, he will notice all manner of things on the floor. The list is endless but things like crumbs, buttons, pen caps and those bitty plastic things that hold price tags on are things that you may find on your floor if you have no older children. If older children live in the home, the list is longer and includes magnetized balls smaller than peas, rubber dolly shoes with which you can floss your teeth and Lego pieces for which you’ll need a microscope. Vacuum cleaners are excellent tools, but there is always one left and the baby will find it. If you notice your precious one picking something off the floor, calmly approach them, hold out your hand, smile and say, “THANK YOU!” If you do this from the beginning they will seek out the positive reinforcement and generally will not attempt to hide the piece of hamster food they’ve just discovered. It works wonders however, with particularly oral babies, their temptation will be great and you must be vigilant.

Babies absorb a surprising amount of information long before they start verbalizing. They pick up on the tone of your voice, your facial expressions and the nuances of human emotion. Obviously, they don’t understand the meaning of it all but they are building a map to guide them. If we freak out when they get unusually quiet and focused while practicing their pincher motion on a bacteria-laden choking hazard, think what will happen down the road. Hone your “I am a Super Nonchalant Mama” skills now before they ask where they came from.

When babies are born they need warmth, sustenance and love. These three things along with their tangential cousins like guidance, patience and a little induced angst, are the main ingredients for cultivating a human being. Garishly colored talking toys which enter your home in their Trojan Horse packaging and multiply while you sleep will not come to your aid when Her Royal Highness needs her pants changed or demands lunch. They will trip you and induce a simmering headache as they serenade you throughout the day with their special, cloying version of the ABC song. Of course, you can sing that all by yourself for free.

Give a child a fantastic toy and they’ll have the most fun with the box, wrapping paper and ribbons. It is all in the packaging, literally. Toys and getting presents is fun. Birthdays and holidays would not feel as loaded with anticipation if it weren’t for all those gorgeous packages and their secret contents promising never-ending joy. Like the six pound bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips from Sam’s Club, moderation is the key.

Children learn very early that excitement is to be had from parties and presents and spending money. It is a heady feeling to get something you want. There is not a thing wrong with it except when it gets out of hand. Unfortunately, toys and the stuff kids accumulate almost always does. We quickly get hooked to the adrenalin rush of “getting” but learning to deny a desire is a harder lesson to learn. Helping children understand the wisdom of denial in some situations and letting go in others is part of our job.

Allowing children to spend their own money provides the experience of decision making. If they may spend only $5, you will see them ponder how to get the most of it, even before you explain the concept. Ask leading questions and talk about negotiation or launch the savings and allowances discussion.

At home, cull toys on a regular basis. Get the kids involved. They won’t notice when the Kid’s Meal detritus disappears but you can bet they’ll ask for that blasted pink plastic dinosaur you tossed two months ago. Teach your budding shopper about blessing others through donation of their once loved but now lonely toys. Consumerism is inevitable but helping your child temper it with the lessons of letting go, denial and the value of their hard earned cash will carry them through life and right past the mall.

Much of the country is on the verge of entering hurricane season. During this time, we are reminded to take precautions and prepare. Have an escape plan, pack the necessities, stock the pantry with plenty of water and eighty-seven cans of Dinty Moore. Preparation serves to make us ready to make decisions instantly. When does the hurricane season of motherhood start? It doesn’t ever end is the answer, which means simplified daily preparation is key.

Life is full of imminent storms. There are moments of calm like when the baby is asleep or older children have left for school, but just prior to those events the debris is flying through the air at 150 MPH. Just as with dangerous weather systems, daily family life requires organization, preparedness for the unknown and an escape plan. This doesn’t mean you have to go out right now and buy the latest calendar perfect for families on the go. It means you must ask yourself these questions daily: Are there diapers? Does everyone have something clean to wear? Is there something resembling food in the kitchen? Those are the most important questions and will help prompt your next step: errands, grocery store, laundry, all three. Your missions for the day prompted, you are free to ponder an escape plan. Do you need a sitter for the weekend? Can you spare an hour to have lunch with a friend? Can you hide in the bathroom for seven minutes and paint your toenails? Each day brings at least a morning, afternoon, evening and bedtime storm so each day must have an escape plan.

Trying too hard to prepare will have the opposite effect of remaining calm in an emergency situation. You will end up remembering to water the potted plants but everyone’s sheets will still be wet in the washer at 10pm. Preparing for storms isn’t about being perfect. It is about whittling life down to the real necessities. It’s about having what you need when that first Domino is bumped. It’s about enjoying dinner with your family because the sheets are back on the bed, there is milk for tomorrow’s cereal and when bedtime’s storm has subsided, there is a book or a movie waiting alongside a half-gallon of ice cream and a bottle of wine that have both been given time to breathe.

There once was a boy who took homemade graham crackers to pre-school. You already see where this is going, right? The crackers were dusted with a bit of cinnamon and sugar and were made with real Graham flour. The boy and his mother had made these several times before and they were good. Seriously, they were. At school that day, the homemade graham crackers were passed out to all the little children, two of whom commented that they tasted like dog food. When the boy told his mother, she cried, they never made homemade graham crackers again and she promised him that from that day forward, he could take SpongeBob Cheez-Its when it was his turn for snack.

The above is a true story and it marks the beginning of the mother’s trip down Snack Balance Lane. It also marks the end of her using her son’s snack day as a time to stand up for proper nutrition. Some may say it is when the mother sold her soul to all things Great and Refined but this is untrue. SpongeBob Cheez-Its at snack time do not have to be a slippery slope to white bread and marshmallow fluff sandwiches or a daily dose of hot dogs. They are however, non-descript, wallflower-type snacks. Most kids like them and apparently, they do not taste like dog food. This is a good thing when your kid is the snack guy.

As children grow and enter school and other settings where there are large groups of their peers, social standards are important to them, gaining percentage points as the years roll by. Trying to fit in with your peers does not mean that children will eventually grow up to be sheep or lemmings. Learning to be part of a crowd and thereby discovering how you are different, or how you would like to be, is an important part of becoming a mature adult. Raising a child to mature adulthood should be done with proper nutrition but be careful the battles you pick. There is no reason your child should suffer socially because you are personally offended by the existence of Fruit Gushers. Establish good nutrition early on so that it is a common theme in your household and explain why good food is good. Let them make disgusting choices at the grocery store occasionally. That way when they visit their friend’s house and are offered a Pop-Tart, they won’t fall onto the floor and weep with joy. They will quietly relish the contraband and be capable of playing it cool.

Most women go through profound personal change when they become mothers. Whether you give birth, adopt, breastfeed or not something in our brains clicks into the mode responsible for really seeing the world outside ourselves. Someone else has become more important. We have a higher calling.

Once the narcissism of youth fades a bit, you achieve clarity, such as you’ve never had. Gradually, you become aware of what is important and what is not. This isn’t to say that you won’t slip back into the bliss of your own needs. It is important to try on sixty pairs of shoes at DSW. It is imperative that you ogle the racks at Nordstrom’s. Have you seen the new cardis at Old Navy? But I digress. We were talking about selflessness and higher callings.

Clarity helps when you have to decide whether another day at the park is more important than a quiet afternoon at home or whether Little Miss needs a nap more than she needs to be at a birthday party for a two-year-old. It is knowing that very little of life’s minutiae will matter in ten years and also why it is important to stay up past bedtime to hang out with a visiting Grandpa.

Someone once asked me what the most incredible thing to happen to me was since my youth besides getting married and having children. My immediate answer was maturity. It is liberating to dispense of the concerns of adolescence and even young adulthood. The serenity of feeling comfortable in one’s own skin is a welcome break from what it feels like to be a teenager. When you become a mother, the natural progression of maturity is pushed along. Life isn’t all forward progress, of course, and you will still throw yourself onto the bed and sob or occasionally have a hissy fit. Maturity doesn’t prevent us from acting like babies all the time, but combined with motherhood’s gift of living some of life outside of ourselves, you will be able to forgive yourself. When you can forgive yourself your human transgressions, life is easier and so are the children.

The other day there was a headline on Google News close to this title. Really? Shockingly, another study had been done to show that the stuff we came equipped with to feed our babies is totally awesome. No wonder the early humans made it past the first generation!

Read as many studies as you can. That way you will have an endless supply of references to which you can send skeptical parents, grandparents, in-laws and spouses to help them understand your breastfeeding choice. When the little voice in your head tells you that breastfeeding is what you want to do, there are scads of experts to explain why that little voice is right and why.

The lack of listening to that little voice is epidemic these days in the world of parenting. Suddenly, we are deaf to that sage within us and instead we turn to books and doctors. While those books have often been written by people who have lots of experience, you can bet they listened to their little voice before they told you what it said. Doctors are well educated and possibly smarter than your average pin, but they are not parenting experts. They are knowledgeable about the human body but that doesn’t mean they know better than you how to get your child to sleep through the night. Chances are they have gained experience of what works based on their observation of their patients and, you guessed it, listening to their own little voice when parenting their children.

As with anything else, going with your gut will only take you so far. Chances are however, you’ll know when you need to stop and ask for directions. Combine your inner knowledge with what the experts say. By trusting yourself to do right by your child, you’ll find your confidence soaring, and confidence, like breastmilk, is good stuff.

It has been six weeks since you gave birth and now you’ve been given the go ahead from your doctor. For many the “go ahead” for resuming sex after giving birth is no big deal. Some are wondering, “Go ahead for what?” After all, six weeks goes by very quickly when you have slept six hours during that six weeks, are simply glad to remember, occasionally, what your toothbrush is for and have big dreams of leaving the house again one day. When it dawns on you what the doctor is talking about as your husband gives you a circa 1974 wink and nod, you are thinking, I’ll tell you where you can “go ahead,” buddy.

You may be in the all clear but you also may have experienced physical trauma during birth, whether it was an episiotomy, a tear, bruising, a catheter or all of the above. While these all heal, the memories are there as are the potential worries over your new physicality. In addition, while intercourse may be safe, it may also be temporarily less comfortable than what you experienced to get you here to begin with.

There are several important things to remember when entering this “go ahead” phase. First, keep your new body in perspective. There are very few things in life that are permanent. Your body is capable of healing, reverting and changing. Accept your body as it is currently with the knowledge you are taking one day at a time. If your goal is to get back to your pre-baby body, go for it, but be realistic and kind to yourself. Don’t give up on the relaxation and pleasure sex can bring just because you are different than you used to be. Second, help your husband to understand what you need. If you are physically over-stimulated from birth, breastfeeding and the general sense of being needed, tell him you get to be the needy one. Tell him what you require. Third, hormones or the suppression of them can wreak havoc on your arousal. You may need some extra convincing and store bought lubrication. All of these situations are normal.

Life does go on after birth. Sex is a fabulous part of that and an important component of marriage. While you need to be patient with yourself and with your mate, give yourself permission. Allowing yourself to enjoy one of the initial ways you expressed your love to your love is a wonderful way to go ahead.

Throughout our lives, friends play an extremely important role. They are the first family we actually seek to become a member of as we move from our parents to independence. While we mature, our friends come and go and we demand different things from them. When you become a mother friends are of the utmost importance as they are our comrades, our sisters, our commiserate-ors, our posses. They are the beacons in our darkness.

Motherhood can be an extremely isolating experience. Despite a cadre of family and other children and of course, lest we forget them, our dear husbands, no one really understands what it is like besides other women doing the same thing. We may cry with our mates, share with our mothers and tell strangers more than they want to know but the women who tell us we’re idiots when we smack our shins on the dishwasher and laugh at us and who make us wear the clothes that look good on us because we can’t be trusted to dress ourselves, these are the ones who catch us when we falter. These are your mother elephants, surrounding you in a circle of fierceness when the world descends.

If you move to a new city, or go from being a working woman to a stay at home mom one of the first things on your to-do list should be to seek out other moms. Where are they? Go to the parks, the recreation centers, the cafes. Many communities have mom groups, as do religious congregations, libraries and book stores. Most gyms and the YMCA also have child-care as part of a membership. This is an excellent way to stay healthy, get a bit of a break from your little princess and meet other moms trying to stay in shape.

When babies are born they are difficult to converse with. When they start talking, you will only get to listen. When they go to school, they won’t talk to you anymore but they won’t listen either. When your children are a large part of life, as they should be, you need someone to talk to. The fact of the matter is hubby just doesn’t get how funny it is that when you happened to glance over at the driver next to you, it was apparent that they were watching you get your groove on while you cranked up some Nelly in the minivan. Seek new friends. Reconnect with the old ones. Surround yourself with their energy and their take, but mostly bask in the light of their give.

When you go to the store and register for baby items, it is often overwhelming. It seems that there are endless products that you and the soon to be arriving six pound, non-verbal bundle of love and poo will need to survive. Will the baby be traumatized if her bum comes in contact with a cold wipe? How will she stay warm without the special 54-snap sack? Look at all the places for baby to sit. Do you ever get to actually hold the baby?

Recently slings have been in the news and several have been pulled from the market permanently. Like many other issues in human history, the current sling movement will likely experience a generalized suffering. This is unfortunate as many are well designed and scads of babies have been safely carted in slings for a very long time.

When you are expecting a baby it is difficult not to get caught up in all the stuff but be aware of the precedent you are setting. While it is inevitable that our children will become consumers of one kind or another, teaching them early on that they “need” all this stuff is a dangerous idea. The reality is that when the baby first comes home, and for several months afterwards, you’ll need very little besides plenty of burp clothes, onesies, diapers and several changing pads. They won’t even spend a lot of time in their crib initially. In fact, it makes an excellent changing table while you wait for the blessed moment when it becomes a sleeping area with convenient bars all around it.

When making decisions about what a baby needs, hark back to the days of early humans. Did the cave mommy have any of it? No and look, we’re still here! We have come a long way and learned a great deal. There are certainly items that help us keep our babies safe and healthy but a lot of that is being taken care of by the naturally well-equipped mom. While we are well designed to withstand a cold wipe on our bum, we are also wired for warmth, contact and general proximity that fabulous woman. You can’t register for that and it is all available for free.

Weaning actually starts when your child starts consuming anything besides breastmilk or a substitute. It is best if it is a gradual process but that process is highly subjective. One woman’s six weeks is another’s four years. These dynamics have much to do with the child’s temperament, the mother’s, the support system in the family, jobs, other children, cultural norms and general societal expectations.

Though you may still have just a squishy little love and are nowhere near ready to wean, the thought has likely crossed your mind as to when it will happen. Some nights the thought may have occurred to you frequently with it appearing like a mirage in the mental desert of 3am. Other moments may find you thinking you would gladly continue indefinitely. The key is those moments, which like others, can change often. Taking weaning day by day is really the best method.

As your baby ages and still seems small, you may decide a year is not enough. As they continue into toddlerhood and you find nursing a beneficial mothering tool when faced with tantrums, you may decide two years is not enough. When your baby is one month old, two years sounds like an eternity but you will be surprised how quickly it flies by.

If you decide to let your nursing relationship ride, you can be involved in the weaning. Mother-led weaning is an important way for you to manage your control over a situation that does tax your body and your energy. Though you may wish to continue as long as possible it is OK to limit where and when you are willing to nurse. Helping your child understand your limits early on is an excellent way for them to learn boundaries in general. If you hold your ground and will not nurse in the grocery store, eventually they won’t ask. Like any other limit setting scenario, make sure you have the gumption to follow through otherwise Jr. wins every time.

Early in your nursing relationship, do your best to focus on the here and now. Weaning will happen and rest assured that you will have your say. Enjoy your little dribbler knowing full well that when he leaves for college, it will be OK for him to go far, far away.