We’re in the Clear for What?!

It has been six weeks since you gave birth and now you’ve been given the go ahead from your doctor. For many the “go ahead” for resuming sex after giving birth is no big deal. Some are wondering, “Go ahead for what?” After all, six weeks goes by very quickly when you have slept six hours during that six weeks, are simply glad to remember, occasionally, what your toothbrush is for and have big dreams of leaving the house again one day. When it dawns on you what the doctor is talking about as your husband gives you a circa 1974 wink and nod, you are thinking, I’ll tell you where you can “go ahead,” buddy.

You may be in the all clear but you also may have experienced physical trauma during birth, whether it was an episiotomy, a tear, bruising, a catheter or all of the above. While these all heal, the memories are there as are the potential worries over your new physicality. In addition, while intercourse may be safe, it may also be temporarily less comfortable than what you experienced to get you here to begin with.

There are several important things to remember when entering this “go ahead” phase. First, keep your new body in perspective. There are very few things in life that are permanent. Your body is capable of healing, reverting and changing. Accept your body as it is currently with the knowledge you are taking one day at a time. If your goal is to get back to your pre-baby body, go for it, but be realistic and kind to yourself. Don’t give up on the relaxation and pleasure sex can bring just because you are different than you used to be. Second, help your husband to understand what you need. If you are physically over-stimulated from birth, breastfeeding and the general sense of being needed, tell him you get to be the needy one. Tell him what you require. Third, hormones or the suppression of them can wreak havoc on your arousal. You may need some extra convincing and store bought lubrication. All of these situations are normal.

Life does go on after birth. Sex is a fabulous part of that and an important component of marriage. While you need to be patient with yourself and with your mate, give yourself permission. Allowing yourself to enjoy one of the initial ways you expressed your love to your love is a wonderful way to go ahead.

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