Octopus Mothers: Our Attempts to Live Life with Six More Hands Than We Came With

Like everyone else, mothers have only two hands and can only be one place at a time. Many of us do not seem to accept this however, and as such, women are far more likely to injure themselves doing mundane things than men. Perhaps we ride a bike, which requires balancing, while carrying surprisingly heavy bags of juice boxes, not in a backpack, but still in their plastic grocery bags, hooked on the handlebars. Or maybe we chop onions while stirring the pot on the gas range, which is lit, and open the refrigerator to extract the needed glass jar of sauce with our foot. If these scenarios sound familiar to you or if they just sound normal, you are likely one of those mothers who thinks she is an octopus.

Many of us are spread thin. We parent, we wife, we counsel and work and volunteer and cook and clean and launder. We maintain friendships and send birthday cards to our husband’s grandmother and pack our children’s lunches. We nurse too. I mean all of it. All together now. It is no wonder we keep Band-Aids in the kitchen and know where the speedy clinic is. We think we are prepared for all those we take care of but it is really because we know, deep down, that we will fall off the ladder because we’re cleaning the leaves off the roof while we are on the phone with the bank.

Aside from knowing what to do in an emergency, nursing ourselves and our spirits is a good idea too. This doesn’t mean getting back into bed and shirking your responsibilities. The concept of taking a 20 minute break for “me-time” during the day can sound utterly ridiculous and impossible. Instead, what about exercising your No muscle? New mothers in particular have not used their No muscles in ways they will need for the coming years. Children’s schools and activities are teeming with ways for you to use your Yes hand and while they are wonderful ways to become involved, it serves no one if you raise that hand too often. If you say no, they will always find someone else. Say yes when you reasonably can. “Volunteer” and “sacrifice” mean two different things.

When you sit down to nurse, take the opportunity to recharge your battery in a way that will be impossible sooner than you think. Assess what you want from your days, for you and for your family. Choose electives that will enable you to make the most of your two-handed life.

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