Guilt and Our Purpose in Life

It’s OK to be filled with glee that there aren’t a lot of utensils to unload from the dishwasher. It makes the task easier without all those pokey, cumbersome metal things to sort just so. They never fit in the drawer properly and are really loud and sometimes wake the baby and why don’t we just eat with our fingers? The old joke is always about guilt and Catholics, but even without ever having had your knuckles rapped by a nun, many of us suffer.

Apparently, the concept of a mother’s guilt doesn’t even translate into the French vernacular. Parisian mothers cannot fathom why a mother would feel guilty for using her time in a manner not dedicated to chores, responsibilities or obligations. Even when we don’t really feel that bad, we wax on about how terrible we felt about slacking off. If “slacking off” means we can smile at our babies when they want to nurse again and smile at our husbands when they want anything then slack away.

Stay at home and working mothers alike often feel like they must earn their “keep.” If everything is done, then they can do nothing. The problem is that nothing is ever done. We may sometimes catch up but life is messy and while the hampers may be empty and a load is done every day, it is still every day! Weeds are growing in one bed as you weed another. You’ve cleaned the closets but ignored the inside of your car for three weeks. A mother’s purpose in life is not to deplete her soul’s bank account. If you always withdraw and never deposit, where does that leave you? You have known for a long time why the mother puts on her oxygen mask first in the plane.

Once you become a parent your life forever becomes about sustaining others. It is as it should be and fits into the cycle of life, but our babies need us for more than sustenance. When you nurse, eat well and drink plenty of water. As you parent, keep up with your favorite exercise and reading. As a homemaker wash the clothes of the ones you love while listening to your music. Scrub the toilets and then go cleanse your soul with a walk, a glass of wine, a bath or absolutely nothing. The next time you unload the dishwasher and it is filled with pots and pans, a bowl, a mug and one spoon, let out a guilt-free WOO HOO and get back to that chair in the sun.

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