Guidance

Before I had children, I proclaimed the things that my future children and I would never do. Screaming was one of those things. My children and I would never scream. Now, my husband and I frequently find ourselves screaming, “No screaming! Inside voice!” because how else would they hear us?

In parenting, the journey is one of discovering coping mechanisms while trying to do your best at the job of raising actual humans. To cope often involves nothing more than the act of ignoring. While we cope and ignore, our main job as parents is guidance. Most people mistake discipline for punishment but true discipline is really showing the way, as when you go on a tour and the guide leads you, points out interesting things and reminds you to keep your hands to yourself. This is much the same with proper parenting. Without the boundaries of guidance, children feel chaotic and have no direction. It is a frightening feeling and fear in anyone does not bode well for making the right choices. While we have plenty of other responsibilities as parents, helping our children along the correct path is what enables them, ultimately, to guide themselves and this is our goal.

Once children are able to decide things for themselves, it becomes apparent that they will consistently feel their way for the edges. If you are not permitted to touch the outlet with your fingers, what will happen if you touch that outlet with, for example, a block? What does mommy do? Hey, mommy, check it out. Does this count? Does it? Let me do it again. Being there at the edges will make all the difference.

Acting as tour guide of the world for your children often requires a bit of screaming. Maybe even a firm grip on the arm as they attempt to meander across the avenue while picking their nose. The best part, however, is when they truly ask for directions. This is when you get to show them the way and maybe go along for awhile.

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