There is a great cartoon showing a mother in the hospital bed with the baby and the father, dutifully standing next to her. All three have thought balloons above their heads reading “Now what?”

During your pregnancy you likely went on tours of where you would give birth, took classes on infant care, CPR and breastfeeding. You prepared and purchased, installed and assembled. The baby has seventeen different places to sit and more blankets than he’ll ever need along with books, toys, stuffed animals, a DVD titled How to Speak a Foreign Language When You’re Under 3 Months Old and a college fund. Now the baby is here and he is small, not that cute and doesn’t seem to play with the twelve different rattles in his room. He hasn’t even seen his room. You remember nothing prior to the birth, including everything from all those classes.

The first six weeks of a baby’s life are an exhaustive time, and yes, beautiful, magical, incredible, absolutely fantastic. Anyway, during this time the important thing to remember, aside from the massive amounts of information swimming about in your brain that you likely won’t need to recall for another six months, is that you and the baby are meant to do this: sleep, eat, heal, adjust. That’s it. Even if you are returning to work at the end of six weeks, allow yourself the true measure of that time to accomplish those four things. Sleep when baby sleeps, eat well, heal your body by following doctor’s orders and take one moment at a time.

The baby will nurse between 10-12 times in 24 hours and will often seem sleepy. He will be wrinkly and will contort his face in unimaginable ways. He may utter sounds like that of a grizzly bear. His poop will astound you. Enjoy his funny little body while you give him a bath. Pump if you need to make yourself more comfortable and nurse as much as you would like and he will accept. Wake a sleepy baby by changing the diaper, gently blowing on his head, removing his socks or burping.

Cute babies who are sitting up, smiling and are able to let go when they grab a fistful of their own hair are not newborns. Newborns are funny, amazing little creatures and will let you know, in no uncertain terms that they have arrived and will change all the rules. Letting them do this for a couple of weeks is OK. They won’t remember the thrill of the power but you will remember the letting go of the books and the classes and the learning of listening to your baby.

It’s OK to be filled with glee that there aren’t a lot of utensils to unload from the dishwasher. It makes the task easier without all those pokey, cumbersome metal things to sort just so. They never fit in the drawer properly and are really loud and sometimes wake the baby and why don’t we just eat with our fingers? The old joke is always about guilt and Catholics, but even without ever having had your knuckles rapped by a nun, many of us suffer.

Apparently, the concept of a mother’s guilt doesn’t even translate into the French vernacular. Parisian mothers cannot fathom why a mother would feel guilty for using her time in a manner not dedicated to chores, responsibilities or obligations. Even when we don’t really feel that bad, we wax on about how terrible we felt about slacking off. If “slacking off” means we can smile at our babies when they want to nurse again and smile at our husbands when they want anything then slack away.

Stay at home and working mothers alike often feel like they must earn their “keep.” If everything is done, then they can do nothing. The problem is that nothing is ever done. We may sometimes catch up but life is messy and while the hampers may be empty and a load is done every day, it is still every day! Weeds are growing in one bed as you weed another. You’ve cleaned the closets but ignored the inside of your car for three weeks. A mother’s purpose in life is not to deplete her soul’s bank account. If you always withdraw and never deposit, where does that leave you? You have known for a long time why the mother puts on her oxygen mask first in the plane.

Once you become a parent your life forever becomes about sustaining others. It is as it should be and fits into the cycle of life, but our babies need us for more than sustenance. When you nurse, eat well and drink plenty of water. As you parent, keep up with your favorite exercise and reading. As a homemaker wash the clothes of the ones you love while listening to your music. Scrub the toilets and then go cleanse your soul with a walk, a glass of wine, a bath or absolutely nothing. The next time you unload the dishwasher and it is filled with pots and pans, a bowl, a mug and one spoon, let out a guilt-free WOO HOO and get back to that chair in the sun.

Like everyone else, mothers have only two hands and can only be one place at a time. Many of us do not seem to accept this however, and as such, women are far more likely to injure themselves doing mundane things than men. Perhaps we ride a bike, which requires balancing, while carrying surprisingly heavy bags of juice boxes, not in a backpack, but still in their plastic grocery bags, hooked on the handlebars. Or maybe we chop onions while stirring the pot on the gas range, which is lit, and open the refrigerator to extract the needed glass jar of sauce with our foot. If these scenarios sound familiar to you or if they just sound normal, you are likely one of those mothers who thinks she is an octopus.

Many of us are spread thin. We parent, we wife, we counsel and work and volunteer and cook and clean and launder. We maintain friendships and send birthday cards to our husband’s grandmother and pack our children’s lunches. We nurse too. I mean all of it. All together now. It is no wonder we keep Band-Aids in the kitchen and know where the speedy clinic is. We think we are prepared for all those we take care of but it is really because we know, deep down, that we will fall off the ladder because we’re cleaning the leaves off the roof while we are on the phone with the bank.

Aside from knowing what to do in an emergency, nursing ourselves and our spirits is a good idea too. This doesn’t mean getting back into bed and shirking your responsibilities. The concept of taking a 20 minute break for “me-time” during the day can sound utterly ridiculous and impossible. Instead, what about exercising your No muscle? New mothers in particular have not used their No muscles in ways they will need for the coming years. Children’s schools and activities are teeming with ways for you to use your Yes hand and while they are wonderful ways to become involved, it serves no one if you raise that hand too often. If you say no, they will always find someone else. Say yes when you reasonably can. “Volunteer” and “sacrifice” mean two different things.

When you sit down to nurse, take the opportunity to recharge your battery in a way that will be impossible sooner than you think. Assess what you want from your days, for you and for your family. Choose electives that will enable you to make the most of your two-handed life.

Sometimes you may feel like you can tell the woman whose baby is on a schedule. She looks like she may have used a hairdryer and possibly even knows where her mascara is. She is also wearing an “outfit” as opposed to “clothing” and the baby is sleeping in the stroller. Comparatively, as an on-demand breastfeeding mom, you may feel at the beck and call of Junior and consequently, harried, overwrought, unkempt. If you find yourself feeling this way, there are some things to consider before attempting a schedule.

In the early weeks, on demand breastfeeding is important for both your own milk supply and related to that, your baby’s growth. When you allow your baby to determine how often they need to feed, they will regulate their caloric intake sufficiently during growth spurts and your milk will increase accordingly. There are also studies showing that on-demand feeding is connected to lower rates of adult obesity. If a child is able to decide when they are hungry and when they are not, it bodes well for their future ability to employ conscious eating and recognize their own satiation.

As babies age, their feeding and sleeping cycles will settle into a schedule-like pattern on their own. Generally, they will feed every two hours with one four or five hour sleep cycle during a 24-hour period, ideally, 12am to 5am. This can vary from baby to baby as they are different sizes, weights and temperaments. Certainly, like every other aspect of parenting, eating and sleeping routines are possible and can be affected by parental guidance. Establishing order in the chaos of life for these important parts of the day will help children as they grow to feel safe and secure.

The temperament of your baby and your family’s dynamics has a lot to do with whether a schedule is right for you. If you feel like life has you spinning, try putting your baby on a schedule. If it creates a sense of peace where before there was none and if you and family thrive, those are good signs. If it becomes another struggle and solves none of the issues you were facing, you may choose to let go a bit. Chances are it isn’t the baby’s demands that are preventing you from using the hairdryer anyway.

Like all of it, this stage will seem like a mere moment when you look back on it. Enjoying life in that stage when the needs of a dependent soul are pulling you in every direction may be just what you need.

A client of mine recently asked if I had any help when my children were babies. I responded no and said that we had not even hired a babysitter until our oldest was eight. My response to the why not question was a gauche word implying our lack of intelligence. The reason was more along the lines of stupefied. We were also wide-eyed and flabbergasted, even eight years into parenting. The thought of hiring someone to help us or give us a break now and then never even occurred to us, but it should have. Though my mom came for the birth of each of our children, I did not think of replacing her amazing support once she left.

When we started using sitters, we were overwhelmingly grateful. Each time we came back home to sleeping children who had dutifully brushed their teeth and behaved like angels we felt like dropping to our knees and weeping on the shoes of the sitters. Instead we just seriously overpaid them.

While trusting someone with your children is difficult, especially if your kiddos are not yet verbal, it is possible to find your comfort zone. Word of mouth is an excellent start so talk to your friends with children the same age or older. Neighbors often have teenagers who they are more than happy to book solid every Saturday night for the next seven years. If you decide you aren’t ready for a nighttime sitter, getting away during the day is a good time to develop a sense of a sitter’s capabilities. It allows your child and the sitter to get to know each other and then when you are ready, a nighttime sit is easier and less worrisome for everyone. Babies obviously require someone with experience. Check your local Red Cross chapter to find out about hiring a sitter who has completed one of their Babysitter’s Training courses.

Aside from your escape rewards, your children will benefit from spending time with a sitter. They learn that they are OK without mom and dad. They learn to trust other big people and will form bonds that differ from those they have with you. A big kid is just about the coolest thing going in the eyes of a little kid. Plus, teenagers generally still enjoy getting down on the floor and playing. They would never admit it, but deep down they are stoked to get their hands on some Mega Blocks and Thomas the Train. This is immensely fun for your four-year-old but you are the one at the grocery store all by yourself and that benefits the whole family.

My ten year old still has soft, little boy cheeks. I can bury my nose in them as I did when he was really small. Tonight he tried to stay up late with us while his sister was away at a sleepover. After a day of activity and several hours of baseball practice, he just could not make it much past 9:30pm. As I lay with him and he fell asleep, I marveled at those soft cheeks. Within a few years, which will speed by like only the years of a child’s soft cheeks can, he will sprout whiskers and start shaving. His soft cheeks will be gone forever. It is an unbearable thought for me yet I smile at the thought of how wonderful he will be as a man. How proud I will be to see him tall and handsome doing whatever it is that he will do.

Parenthood is a constant oscillation between overwhelming emotions: I will keep you forever in the Mommy Cave. Get out of my cave this instant. Inhale their sweet smell while locked in an embrace. Barely attempt to quiet your roar as you become, yet again, a giant human napkin or perhaps, hanky. We grip our sweet peas close and yet lay tire exiting car line on the first day of school with utter glee clawing its way out of our mouths in a primal scream while we exceed the speed limit driving to Starbucks to meet our other recently liberated comrades.

There is really nothing to be done about this excruciating waffle of emotions and its bittersweet taste. You must simply live through them otherwise missing some of the best of parenthood. You must have tears to enjoy the laughter, strife to achieve serenity and noise to appreciate the silence. There must be hour upon hour of togetherness to really wrap your head around the majestic beauty of a 2 ½ year old who is taking a nap.

We become parents by birth or adoption or marriage and by offering a bit of ourselves to our children, they become people. Babies are mere packages containing those people. They are soft, defenseless and needy – but inside are those who they become. Inside are the husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, joyful and weeping, thoughtful and insensitive, innocent and learned, amazing creatures yet to be. They are waiting to unwrap themselves. Ensure the arrival of those fantastic and unrealized futures by carefully tending their beginnings.

At one time mothers were encouraged to drink beer when nursing to relax and increase milk supply. While there may have been a connection to the Brewer’s Yeast content and that ingredient’s galactagogue (milk increasing) effect, it was likely a weak one. More likely is that the doctor’s opinion was that mothers who drank the occasional beer made better patients.

Alcohol is considered a compatible drug during breastfeeding. This means that it is possible to drink alcohol and safely breastfeed, but there are recommendations to ensure this. Alcohol leaves breastmilk as it leaves blood. The alcohol content of your breastmilk will peak between 30-60 minutes after consumption depending on your body weight and whether or not you have eaten. While pumping and dumping is unnecessary, as it will not speed the elimination of alcohol from breastmilk, it is wise to wait approximately three hours before nursing. Obviously, the more alcohol you consume, the longer it will take for your body and therefore your breastmilk, to metabolize it efficiently. Mothers who abuse alcohol can ultimately decrease their milk-ejection reflex and the babies of these mothers will nurse more frequently but ingest less milk. Over time, this could lead to slow weight gain or even failure-to-thrive. Alcohol abuse by a nursing mother is categorized by the consumption of two or more drinks, daily.

Babies who consume alcohol via breastmilk will often fall asleep quickly. How lovely, you think. The celebration will be short lived however, as it has been shown that baby’s sleep cycles going forward are interrupted. Not so lovely. Much the same way our sleep’s quality is lessened by too much drink, baby will experience wakefulness as a result and this will be all the more difficult to deal with if you have been imbibing.

By treating alcohol the way we do chocolate we can avoid the potential downfalls. Relax with a glass of wine after baby goes to bed so you can enjoy the benefits while keeping your breastmilk alcohol-free by the time you need to nurse again.

This past weekend my Girl Scout cookie order was delivered. This is a familiar and coveted time of year because most of us have just about rid our pantries of treat remnants from the previous year. While we feel righteous for having finally tossed out the remaining Halloween candy, deep down we still desire a stash of something not so great for the waistline tucked away on that shelf that no one else in the family thinks of.

For a mere $3.50, you can buy a box of Girl Scout cookies. It takes about a month for them to arrive and then approximately 15 seconds to put four Thin Mints at once into your mouth. They have come a long way to contributing to diet downfalls since they started offering things other than the insignia bearing shortbread.

The wealth of offerings makes it all the more difficult to behave as a breastfeeding mom. Maybe you are behaving because you are concerned about your baby’s sensitivity to things like chocolate or dairy or perhaps you are taking advantage of the calorie burning benefits of breastfeeding to shed pregnancy pounds. Either way the relative low cost and high yum value of Girl Scout cookies makes it all the more likely that baby will get his first “taste” of Caramel Delights before the age of one.

Per my previous post about sane moms and potential allergens in their diets, it is important to keep your wits about you as a parent. While a baby might not notice the chocolate in three cookies, he is likely to punish you with fussiness and copious diaper changes if you eat the whole box. This is a good time to practice restraint. Treat yourself after baby goes to bed and give your milk a bit longer to metabolize the chocolate while you still get those sanity benefits. Restraint is a talent that will come in handy time and again in parenthood and life. Why not learn it by making that $3.50 box of Thanks-a-Lot last a lot longer?

The difference between learning to share a life and how to be parents is stark. Getting married and starting out is a little like playing house. It will be like college but drinking from those nice glasses you registered for instead of plastic cups. Certainly making a marriage work is far more complicated than that and parenthood is much the same. It is not at all like college or playing house. When you become parents it is easy to let the taking-each-other-for-granted stage take over. This is a detriment to your future as a family.

While learning to be parents requires plenty of sharing, it is not the same as quality time as a couple. As parents, you will find yourselves on the business end of life – have you done this, did you get that, where is the baby, do we have any more toilet paper, can you get milk on your way home, God help you if you delete anything off the DVR list. This works and is necessary but if you let it go on too long, you will find yourselves struggling in the long run.

When you carve out time for yourselves as a couple you are recharging each other and the marriage much the same way the weekend works to enable you to return to work on Monday. Everyone needs a break, a light at the end of tunnel, some sort of reprieve. This loading up of the marital battery need not be hours out with a paid babysitter. Planning a grown-up dinner after bedtime, complete with conversation, will do the trick if done before the nightly TV zone-out. First time parents may be afraid of leaving their breastfed baby but she will likely make it at least two hours with grandma or a neighbor before desperately seeking mom and that is plenty of time for a coffee and a chat. It is surprising how little it takes to gear up for the next shift. This becomes increasingly important as your children learn to speak which will then be ceaseless forevermore. If simply going to the mailbox, let alone into the bathroom with the door actually closed, by yourself is enough to buy some sanity, imagine what a latte and a small café table with your husband will get you?

Remembering how this all got started is important. Take the small amount of time it requires to keep it smoldering. Some day it will just be the two of you again and as the chill of a quiet house surrounds you, it will be time to throw on a few logs.

1. Free
2. Nothing to throw away
3. Your body makes it without you asking it to
4. Always available
5. Always warm
6. Always enough
7. Contains a natural laxative to help newborns flush meconium and bilirubin
8. Promotes proper jaw development
9. Good for hand-eye coordination
10. Lines baby’s GI tract with immunities
11. Big boobs for free
12. Manufactures new antibodies on demand
13. Releases hormones that help you to relax and feel calm
14. What baby needs for optimum brain development
15. Easily digestible
16. Smells nice…even later
17. Lower incidence of breast cancer
18. Burns 500 calories a day being made
19. That is why you have them
20. Cute dribbling out of smiling baby’s mouth
21. Does not stain
22. Forces you to sit down
23. Excellent mothering tool as baby grows
24. Natural birth control
25. Shrinks uterus quickly and helps to stem bleeding
26. Great reason to escape to another room when the in-laws visit
27. Keeps baby quiet on an airplane
28. Can be done while lying down and dozing off slightly
29. Is properly mixed all the time
30. Your mother did it
31. Your mother didn’t do it
32. No water needed
33. Easy to pack for a trip – grab a bra and a t-shirt
34. Does not matter if you seriously cannot find the can opener
35. Requires one hand
36. You can buy an awesome, cheetah-print nursing bra
37. There are panties to match
38. You can call a La Leche League Leader for free
39. Requires no shaking, but that could be fun
40. Husband thinks the big boobs are super cool
41. Possibly a reason to buy a super sparkly bracelet to remind you which side you’re on
42. Possibly a reason to buy a super sparkly necklace so baby has something to look at
43. Can help with shedding pregnancy pounds
44. Your mother-in-law did
45. Your mother-in-law would have never
46. Honors your ancestors
47. It expands your horizons
48. It’s lovely
49. Why not?
50. You’ll be so glad you did